It seems to happen all too often! You invite your in-laws over to see your fantastic new charcoal furnace! The air blast fans the charcoal white hot! The smell of hot metal fills the air! Sparks shoot from the vent hole! The devil himself would be impressed!
But are your knucklehead in-laws impressed? No.... They just stand there and give you their smug little "we-gotta-put-this-guy-away" smile. But no longer do you have to put up with their unappreciative behavior!
Lindsay
and his undertaker are offering their new line of designer body weights
to keep your in-laws on the bottom of the river long after you throw them
off the bridge or over the side of your boat! In fact, Lindsay is guaranteeing
that his weights will keep your ingrate relatives on the bottom so long
that the authorities will forget they're missing!
No longer will you have to put up with their unappreciative ignorance! No longer will you have to serve them Thanksgiving dinner in a trough! And if they're like Lindsay's relatives no longer will you be embarrassed and inconvenienced by their droppings!
These weights are approved by the EPA and are fat-free and low in sodium.
(Please order a set of weights and humor Lindsay before we use the weights on him AND his undertaker. We' re sure they will work. They're filled with the same material contained inside Lindsay's skull.)
PLEASE order some books from this catalog so we can retire and leave town before he comes up with another bizarre invention!
Sincerely,
Lindsay's Shell-shocked Employees
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